Feb 4: Rosa Parks' Birthday

Resisting resistance: How to stop reacting and start living your own life.

John L. Sullivan, champion pugilist of the world, E.W. Kemble, c1883

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Feb 4: Rosa Lee Parks Birth Anniversary

I had been pushed around all my life and felt
at this moment that I couldn’t take it anymore.
When I asked the policeman why we had to be
pushed around? He said he didn’t know.
‘The law is the law. You are under arrest’.
I didn’t resist. —Rosa Parks

I was a fighter growing up in the hard streets of Memphis during the ‘60s.

I learned to pack my snowballs with rocks, carry a baseball bat to defend my sister from the kid next door. 

When three girls stole my purse in Junior High School, I chased after them. It was a bloody mess, but I got my purse back.

Fighting is what I knew. It percolated in and outside my home as our streets burned with hate. 

I didn’t know who Martin Luther King Jr. was, except that the garbage piled in front of our house was his fault.

It wasn’t until later I learned of his message of love and nonviolence and that: “There were two ways in which I could respond to my situation — either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force.”

But old habits die hard, and even as an adult, I found myself in arguments, ready to fight for what I believed in. I was bossy, gave unsolicited advice, and was quick to judge.

But with time, I understood the principles of resistance, the ability to pause between that moment of thought and action.

Born 111 years ago today, the resilient Rosa Parks showed her ability to stay calm when the police arrested her for refusing to give up her bus seat.

Instead of resisting (to keep something away) resistance (the ability not to be affected by something), she quietly stood, made no scene, and walked off the bus into a historical legend. 

Rosa Parks. "To Cousin Minnie, from Rosa L. Parks," by Thomas. , ca. 1950., Library of Congress

Rosa Parks Papers, ca 1956-1958, Library of Congress

It’s hard for me to remember how to stop resisting resistance, especially when confronted with a difficult situation. 

But if I can remember my ABCs, it’s easier to stop letting reactivity rule my life.

A = Action: Something happens you can’t control.

B = Behavior: But I can control my response to the action.

C = Consequence: What happens next based on the behavior I choose.

Holocaust survivor Edith Eger wrote in her 2017 book, The Choice: Embrace the Possible, “Each moment is a choice. No matter how frustrating or boring or constraining or painful or oppressive our experience, we can always choose how we respond.”

For most of us, everyday moments don’t comprise standing up against deep-rooted racism or surviving the holocaust. But every choice matters, from blessing a honking driver instead of cursing to taking time to listen to a child when we’re in a hurry. 

An infinite number of choices strung together like pearls on a necklace create the present moment. Knowing that every choice has a significant impact can help us become more mindful.

We can connect with our values and what’s important when present. From there, we can make choices that reflect our authentic selves rather than acting out with knee-jerk reactivity.

I keep learning and fail often. But I’m grateful to understand that I stay in control when I respond instead of reacting.  

What would the world be like if more people acknowledged they had a choice before reacting? 

No matter how difficult, we would see the beauty and potential in every situation.

Recognizing choices empowers us to create the life we want instead of being a victim of circumstance.

• Listen: Sister Rosa | The Neville Brothers | 3:33 min

• Watch: Rosa Parks, Civil Rights Activist | History | 3:16 min

• Celebrate: Make Rosa Parks’ featherlite pancakes.

Rosa Parks Papers, Recipe for featherlite pancakes, undated, Library of Congress

• Visit: The Rosa Parks Bus at the Henry Ford Museum, Dearborn, MI

Barack Obama sits on the famed Rosa Parks bus at the Henry Ford Museum, Pete Souza, The White House, 2012

Activities to do this week: 5 Things You Can Do Today To Stop Resisting Resistance.

Each person must live their life as a model for others.
—Rosa Parks

Do you have any “Rosa Parks’” moments when you responded instead of reacting? What was that situation like? Please share in the comments below.