5 Things You Can Do Today To Stop Resisting Resistance
How to channel your inner Rosa Parks.
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Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
—Unknown
Resistance is a natural human response to change or adversity.
We often think of it as something negative we must overcome, but what if we shift our perspective and see resistance as an opportunity to handle life better?
You give away your power when you resist resistance, allowing emotions to control your actions.
Would Rosa Parks have become the iconic symbol of courage and change she is today if she had resisted the police, caused a scene, and removed from the bus while screaming and cursing?
Here are five things to channel your inner Rosa Parks and stop resisting resistance, including concrete activities for each day of the week.
1. Set Clear Goals
It’s much easier to keep up the fight against resisting resistance if the goal matters to you.
Just like Rosa Parks had a clear goal of challenging racial segregation, having an intention can help you stay focused and motivated.
When confronted with an aggressive person, as I recently experienced, instead of defending (my go-to reaction), my goal is to stay calm and try to understand the person.
I want to W.A.I.T. (why am I talking) and try to listen.
Trust me, this isn’t easy, but if I can remember my goal in the heat of the moment, it helps defuse the situation.
2. Pause Inside The Gap
You have the ability not to react when you are aware of the gap between thought and action.
Like the eye of the hurricane, the gap is an inner sanctuary where you can choose how to respond instead of reacting impulsively.
During this pause, take a deep breath and consider your options. Can you walk away from the situation? Can you ask for a time-out to gather your thoughts? Can you respond with kindness instead of anger?
Acknowledging and accepting resistance can bridge the gap between awareness and actions, leading to more effective and intentional decision-making and behavior.
3. Consider The Consequences
When faced with a difficult situation or conflict, it's easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment and act impulsively without considering the consequences.
Remember your ABCs.
A = Action: Something happens you can’t control.
B = Behavior: But I can control my response to the action.
C = Consequence: What happens next based on the behavior I chose.
Consider how your actions may affect others involved, as well as yourself. Will your reaction escalate the situation or improve it? Will it damage relationships or build them? Will it align with your values and goals?
4. Communicate Effectively
In any conflict or difficult situation, effective communication is critical.
In his 2000 biography of Rosa Parks, Douglas Brinkley writes:
Are you going to stand up?” the driver demanded. Rosa Parks looked straight at him and said: “No.” Flustered and unsure of what to do, Blake retorted, “Well, I’m going to have you arrested.” And Parks, still sitting next to the window, replied softly, “You may do that.
Softly is the keyword here. Parks didn’t scream or yell. She remained calm and composed in her communication, which conveyed her message clearly and without aggression.
Not that you should always stay quiet in challenging situations.
It’s important to express your thoughts and feelings, but do so in a respectful and assertive manner. Use “I” statements instead of accusing language, listen actively, and try to understand the other person’s perspective.
It’s helpful for me to try to see the pain the other person is feeling and how it must feel for them to be so upset.
5. Work Behind The Scenes
After Parks’ arrest, she worked tirelessly behind the scenes to support the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the civil rights movement.
She organized carpools for those boycotting the buses, helped raise funds for legal fees, and even became a mentor to young activists.
Consider what you can do to resolve the conflict outside of confrontations.
One way to approach the situation is by seeking advice from a trusted mentor or friend, researching the issue thoroughly, or supporting and contributing to causes related to the conflict.
Taking action behind the scenes can positively impact and find potential solutions without causing further conflict.
Here are some things to do this week to stop knee-jerk reactivity and find that gap between thoughts for a better way to live.
Monday: Practice W.A.I.T.
Choose one conversation you have regularly with a coworker or family member.
Make a conscious effort to W.A.I.T. Ask yourself, “Why am I talking?” before you speak. Ask for inner guidance to help with your response.
Write about how this practice affected the conversation and your overall mindset.
Tuesday: 5 Senses Check
Every hour, take a 60-second break to focus on your five senses.
Write what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch.
Notice any changes in your body and mind.
Wednesday: Practice Empathy
Think of a person you are currently in conflict with.
Imagine yourself in their shoes and try to understand their perspective.
Write about any new insights or understanding gained through this exercise.
Thursday: Reflect on Triggers
Take some time to reflect on what triggers your reactions and knee-jerk responses.
Use your journal to record the situations, people, or words that set you off.
Reflect on why these things trigger you and how you can better handle them in the future.
Friday: Mindful Eating
Choose one meal where you will eat mindfully.
Pay attention to the taste, texture, and aroma of the food.
Take your time to chew and savor each bite.
Notice how this changes your eating experience.
Saturday: Mindful Observation
Choose a natural object from within your immediate environment.
Focus on watching it for a few minutes.
Do nothing except notice the thing you are looking at.
Relax into watching for as long as your concentration allows.
Look at it as if you are seeing it for the first time.
Visually explore every aspect of its formation and allow yourself to be consumed by its presence.
Allow yourself to connect with its energy and purpose within the natural world.
7. Sunday: Review and Plan
Review your journal entries for the week.
Identify moments when you could find the gap between thought and reaction.
Note down instances where you reacted impulsively.
Use these insights to plan for the coming week.
Please share your experience and let us know how these activities helped you in your daily life. Did you feel a difference? Did you notice any changes in your thought patterns or reactions?