Feb 11: National Friendship Day

How can you tell if a friendship is genuine? It's not what you think.

Illustration from the first edition of Winnie-the-Pooh, E.H. Shepard, 1926

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Feb 11: National Friendship Day

The language of friendship is not
words but meanings. 
—Henry David Thoreau

“Pooh,” said Piglet.

“Yes,” said Pooh.

“I’m scared.”

For a moment, there was silence.

“Would you like to talk about it?” Pooh asked when Piglet didn’t appear to say anything further.

“I’m just so scared,” blurted out Piglet, “so anxious because I don’t feel like things are getting any better. If anything, I feel like they might get worse. People are angry because they are so scared, and they’re turning on one another, and there seems to be no clear plan out of here. I worry about my friends and those I love and wish to hug them all. And, oh, Pooh, I am so scared, and I cannot tell you how much I wish I felt different.”

Pooh was thoughtful as he looked up at the cloudless blue sky peeping between the knotty branches of the trees in the hundred-acre wood and listened to his friend.

“I’m here,” he said simply. “I hear you, Piglet, and I’m here.”

Piglet was momentarily confused. “But aren’t you going to tell me to stop being silly and that it’s hard for everyone?”

“No,” said Pooh. “I will do none of those things.”

“But,” said Piglet.

“I can’t change the world right now,” continued Pooh. “I won’t give you empty words that everything will be alright because I don’t know that. However, what I can do for you, is to assure you I am here, always ready to listen and support you. I want you to know you are not alone and your feelings are being heard. I can’t make your anxious feelings disappear entirely, but I can guarantee you will never have to face those feelings alone for as long as I live.”

It was strange because Piglet could feel some anxious feelings loosen and slither into the forest, subdued by his friend sitting there like a rock beside him.

Piglet thought he had never been more grateful to have Pooh in his life.

Who’s Your Pooh

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. —Albert Camus

Do you have a Pooh in your life? Someone you can turn to in times of anxiety or stress? Someone who will listen and support you without judgment?

A genuine friend doesn’t talk over you or hijack the conversation. They never alter your words or manipulate the conversation to make themselves feel better.

A genuine friend holds space for you. They don’t drop you as a friend because of your political differences, whether or not you eat meat or any other aspect of your life.

Pooh was that kind of friend to Piglet.

He didn’t try to fix his problems or offer quick solutions. Instead, he sat there next to Piglet, providing a comforting presence that helped ease his worries.

W.A.I.T.

One of the most significant changes I noticed when becoming more aware was talking less. I was used to being the center of attention, never taking the time to listen.

A technique that has dramatically helped me is remembering the acronym W.A.I.T., which stands for “Why Am I Talking?” 

These four letters used in business to control meetings allow me to practice self-control and become an active listener instead of just speaking for the sake of it.

It’s a reminder to take a breath and pause before I say anything, allowing me to consider why I want to talk.

Am I trying to rescue the person, instruct them how to do things? Do I want to control the situation and change how I think things should be? 

When you W.A.I.T. and hold space for someone, you open like a thirsty flower in a gentle rain. Pure listening is an act of love, a place of deep connection and understanding. The person being listened to will sense an all-embracing acceptance and unconditional support.

A Bond Beyond Brotherhood

Vincent (left), photographed in 1873, and Theo in 1878.

Theo van Gogh knew how to listen to his older brother, Vincent. They shared a unique bond spanning beyond the familial into a friendship marked by deep understanding and emotional support.

Theo listened to Vincent without judgment and offered a safe space for him to express his feelings. He wrote letters filled with encouragement, understanding, and support. 

In one letter written in 1879, Vincent noted, “You know, what makes the prison disappear is very deep, serious attachment. To be friends, to be brothers, to love; that opens the prison through sovereign power, through a most powerful spell. But he who doesn’t have that remains in death. But where sympathy springs up again, life springs up again.”

Theo remained Vincent’s greatest source of emotional support and encouragement throughout his life.

Even during the most difficult times, Theo never wavered in his love for his brother.

He believed in Vincent’s talent and shared his work with others, helping secure Vincent’s legacy as one of the greatest artists in history.

This Week’s Inspiration

In today’s disingenuous, hyper-connectivity world, where lonely Gen Z girls post best friend applications on Facebook, the need for genuine connection and friendship is more important than ever. 

Everyone wants a Pooh and Theo, someone they are grateful to have in their life.

So, this week’s goal in honor of National Friendship Day is for you to be that person. Reach out to someone who may be going through a tough time or needs a friend. 

When you connect with them, remember the quote from the ancient Greek philosopher Epictetus: “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” 

Or write W.A.I.T. on your hand as a reminder until it becomes second nature.

Swami Kripalvananda, a great yogi and sage honoring silence for many years, taught, “Before speaking, consider whether it is an improvement upon silence.”

True friendship is not just about having fun together or sharing common interests—it’s about being there for someone through the good and the bad times, offering support and understanding without judgment.

Read: A Time to Talk by Robert Frost

Watch: The Power of Empathy by Brené Brown | YouTube | 2.53 min

Listen: Anytime You Need a Friend | Mariah Carey | 2.17 min

Do: Grab a friend and have a serendipity day. Here is an hour-to-hour itinerary for a day of spontaneous fun.

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Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. —Anaïs Nin (1903–1977)French-American novelist, poet, and diarist

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