May 12: 💐 Another Mother's Day?

Why Anna Jarvis changed her mind, and you should too.

May 12, 2024

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May 12: Mother’s Day

And candy! You take a box to Mother—and then eat
most of it yourself. —Anna Jarvis

Since my children were old enough to purchase Mother’s Day gifts, I discouraged them. I didn’t want them to feel burdened with yet another thing to buy.

Instead, let’s go to a museum, take a bird hike, or have Sunday brunch another day to avoid the crowds where most people sit, fulfilling their duty while scrolling on their phones.

Anna Jarvis, the reluctant Mother of Mother’s Day, would agree. How could a day set aside to honor the maternal figures in our lives turn into an opportunity for florists to raise their prices?

How it Started

Anna Jarvis, Founder of Mother’s Day, credit unknow, 1930 — Anna Jarvis, Founder of Mother’s Day, credit unknown, 1930

Anna was born during the Civil War, a mere three-hour distance from Sheridan’s Shenandoah Valley campaign at the Battle of Smithfield Crossing.

As the cannons thundered through those bloodied fields, so would Anna be locked in a ferocious battle.

She was a minister’s daughter, described as a quiet, studious girl. She was well-liked in school and graduated from Augusta Female Seminary in Staunton, Virginia. She later worked for an insurance company in Philadelphia, becoming Fidelity’s first female literary and advertising editor.

In the gentle light of early May, when flowers unfurl their petals and the air carries the promise of renewal, Anna’s mother dies.

Anna never forgot the prayer she heard her mother say during Sunday School class:

“I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will find a memorial Mother’s Day commemorating her for the matchless service she renders to humanity in every field of life.”

Anna vowed to fulfill that prayer.

Unintended Consequences

Using her advertising editor skills and careful planning, Anna arranged an exceptional memorial service for her mother on May 10, 1908. Five hundred white carnations—her mother’s favorite flower, adorned the church in Grafton, West Virginia.

A year later, she repeated the celebration in her adopted town of Philadelphia.

Anna campaigned for a national holiday honoring mothers for the next seven years. President Woodrow Wilson finally agreed, signing a proclamation in 1914 establishing the second Sunday in May as Mother’s Day as “a public expression of our love and reverence for the mothers of our country.”

However, the “love and reverence for mothers” was quickly commercialized, with companies hawking gifts and expensive greeting cards.

Anna was now fifty years old, her victory a colossal disappointment.

She hoped the holiday would be a time for families to unite and honor their mothers with intimate gatherings and heartfelt sentiments—not a day when one felt obligated to buy something for dear old mom.

“I wanted it to be a day of sentiment, not profit,” she said with staunch conviction.

“A maudlin, insincere printed card or ready-made telegram means nothing except that you’re too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone else in the world. Any mother would rather have a line of the worst scribble from her son or daughter than any fancy greeting card.”

And yet, it’s the fancy greeting cards we buy.

The Modern Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day advertisement, Whitman’s Chocolates, 1950

I worked with a woman who was furious she didn’t receive a Mother’s Day card from her adult children. She screamed on the phone to her daughter, berating her with accusations of being thoughtless and unappreciative.

I witnessed the pain and sadness in her eyes as her face drifted into past Mother’s Days she spent with her small children.

Because my coworker wanted her daughter to be responsible for recreating these ghostly Mother’s Days, she allowed the misinterpretation of a flimsy holiday card to produce needless anguish.

Imagine the outcome if, rather than using anger to persuade her daughter to change, she questioned her own behavior to experience what she wanted, realizing it was no one’s job to make her feel a certain way.

Instead, she could have turned it around and sent her daughter a Mother’s Day card expressing the joy of being her mother or treated herself to a day of self-care and appreciation for the hard work of raising her children.

But my coworker and Anna Jarvis were on the same path of pain and suffering.

Obsessive Thoughts

Anna spent the rest of her life fighting against the commercialization of Mother’s Day. She even faced arrest for protesting a festival that charged admission.

She spent her entire fortune of $100,000 (close to 1M today) fighting against those “charlatans, bandits, pirates, racketeers, kidnappers, and other termites that would undermine with their greed one of the finest, noblest and truest movements and celebrations.”

But the battle was long lost, like the one waging near her home the day she was born.

In one of her final public appearances, people spotted Jarvis going door-to-door in Philadelphia, begging them to sign a petition to revoke Mother’s Day.

The woman with no children was never celebrated on the day she created, finally laid down her arms and surrendered. She died broke in a mental hospital without ever learning a group of florists paid her bill.

And my coworker? Do her children faithfully stand in line at the supermarket clutching an expensive Mother’s Day card to appease her?

Either way, I hope she has found peace—something the founder of Mother’s Day never experienced.

💐 This Week’s Inspiration: Turn Mother’s Day Around

Turn Mother's Day around this year by doing something for others instead of expecting something for yourself. Why not give yourself to those with no one to celebrate with?

Consider the profound impact you can make on Mother's Day by visiting a local nursing home. So many women languish in loneliness without family to care for them.

Another way to spread love and kindness on Mother's Day is by reaching out to your friends, colleagues, or acquaintances who are single moms. Offer to babysit for a few hours so they can have some much-needed self-care time.

As Anna Jarvis warned us, Mother's Day should not be about material gifts or extravagant gestures. It's about spreading love to all the mothers who are only ourselves.

Happy Mother's Day!

What are you doing for Mother’s Day? I hope it is filled with love, peace, and joy—the true meaning of Mother’s Day.

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